Values, principles taught during childhood remain lifelong. They become the pillars of leading a good life. You ask any parent what they wish their son to grow up to become and their answers would be earning shit loads of money, becoming engineers or MBA or doctor, etc. Almost negligible of them even have terms like 'good human being' in their long list. Even fewer would say 'good citizens of the country'. The need to inculcate such thoughts has never felt so urgent as now.
On a daily basis, reports of rapes, misbehavior with women do appear on various channels of news. How many parents then actually talk to their sons about such articles? Most parents have their own-age WhatsApp groups. How many then discuss about it on those groups or their meetings? Despite the female infanticide rates in India, its likely that a family will have at least girl child in their own house/extended relatives. Those girls/women carry the same risk as other women of this country. But we choose to stay mum reading this, thanking God that it's not one of our own family members. We do not even issue stern warnings to our sons of dying consequences if they ever indulge in such misadventures. And for me, this is our biggest mistake. If we do not teach them how to respect a girl now, they will take it lightly. They would then pass on similar signals to their peer group. These teachings also apply to my age-groups, future parents. If we do not learn to behave properly, we would not be able to teach the next generation about how disgusting an act it is.
General age for clubbing and drinking in Indian youth is 18-years. Same age at which children transit from school to college. I very well understand the sudden rush of adrenaline which happens and makes one fall prey to late night drinks, parties and then drunk driving. But hold on, these late nights are allowed only for boys. Even before the girl steps out, she is given a hard-deadline of 9-10 pm to return home. And boys (with a cunning smile) - they are not even called to check before 1-2 a.m. of their expected plans to return home. It's a matter of pride, status symbol that my son parties late into the night - that's how some parents take it. A thorough check is made of a girl's dress to ensure it does not appear to be invitational in looks to a son from another sister/brother. Well, if we give our sons the liberty to wear what they want, why different set of rules for girls? Instead, our sons should be taught how to behave with girls. But no, one feels awkward in talking to sons about such manners. All this awkwardness goes to drain when it comes to daughter. It won't be too long before we see our daughters move out of hometowns to some other liberal & safe city because to them this feels to be a total suffocation.
In India, marriage is believed to be an union of not just two people but of two families. Perhaps that's why, so much importance is laid upon a detailed inquiry on family background. Amidst all the happiness surrounding a marriage, dowry is an area which lets down the entire spiritual act of marriage. Gone are the days of people formally asking for an X sum of money in hard cash. Families have become smarter. These days, bride side's is forced to spend X amount in totality with proper evidences to be shown for the expenses incurred. They start wearing the hat of audit clerks by properly vouching for total expenses. Strict instructions are issued to spend X amount on marriage venue, Y on lighting & decoration, Z on 'lifafs' (envelopes with cash). Men are supposed to be full of egos, 'khudkarz' but all these goes to drain when it comes to raising your voice against such atrocities. Its's good to respect your parents but speaking up for the right things is different. Men then beat around the bush and instead suggest to adjust and move on from such pity things. It's important for the groom to take a stand and show some self-respect (if any left). Even post-marriage, such demands are not over. Expectation only goes up a notch higher for the next festival and the vicious cycle goes on. I have seen a few marriages like this where the bride's father had to take borrow of loads of money to simply satisfy the selfish and fake status-symbol needs of groom's side, leaving little room for future child's marriage. At times, I feel it's rather important to call off such weddings. It's your hard-earned money and only you and your immediate family has a right on it. Why let others have fun from it? Also, please stop thinking 'itne saal dusro ke shadi mein enjoy kiya hai, ab apne time kaise nai kare'. Please this has to stop somewhere. Trust me the next generation, doesn't give a damn to what happened 10yrs back as well.
I vividly remember about the candle light marches organised during the disgusting Nirbhaya incident in Delhi 2012. I was preparing for my CS examinations when a female friend rebuked me for not attending one in my city. My response to her was - I will never do something like this and would not allow something like this to happen in front of my eyes, rather give up my life to protect her. According to me being self-determined is all what required. These candle marches will solve the problem only to a minute extent. I am not against drinking, but am surely up for responsible drinking. Few college friends used to proudly describe their driving skills in drunken & high state of mind. I wonder why couldn't they take a cab back home rather thank risking lives of their families, citizens and themselves. Thankfully, my family has never taken/given dowry but I promise to go a step ahead. Although I would have liked a simple court-marriage but my mother has her own wishes which I wouldn't like to ruin completely. I would request my future in-laws to spend bare minimum on venue, decorations and ban 'lifafas'. My suggestion would be to create a FD/invest in shares/MFs in their daughter's name rather then spending lakhs on the extras of our lives. And more importantly, teach my children to first become good human beings > good citizens of this country, respect elders & women and then pursue their dreams.
